The mother of this young man experiencing severe disorientation using marijuana is seeking the help of a psychiatrist with substance abuse expertise, but is at the end of her rope in not wanting to resume the treadmill of paying for expensive services that haven’t helped, like drug rehab. Nor does she wish to abandon him using tough love. He is hanging by a thread, seemingly. What advice can you give her to help her son in the best way she can?

We have already counseled her that love is the answer, and love in full measure not indulgent and blind ignoring of his faults and missteps, but nonjudgmental love despite his poor choices and unsavory conduct at times; as well as his peculiarities from his makeup and thoughts he might have in the moment because he is an unconventional being within unconventional orientation and may be drawn to things that are unusual, and that could be a source of disquiet to his mother and others who learn about his views. It does not mean they are wrong or dangerous. So it is not inappropriate for him to bear the brunt of the consequences of his conduct, being an adult and needing to learn the life lessons of cause and effect, unshielded by parental oversight and protection. That is sometimes a necessary consequence that must befall a person for them to see the error of their ways and take it more seriously, and begin to apply greater rigor in their self-discipline to save themselves from their own reckless conduct. We understand it is hard for her mother to watch her son’s struggle as it is a kind of torment when caring so deeply and having a true responsibility still, on some level, from having brought him into the world and caring so much. Once love bonds are established, there is a kind of obligation both to the self and to the loved one, to do all one can at a time of difficulty. But sometimes, people and their foibles create situations that are unworkable and really leaving no realistic options for a loved one to intervene in a meaningful way to help. That is the case here, where he is creating his dilemma and can continue to do so in the face of parental criticism or remonstrations and the advice of medical sources. So the latter is something worth trying, to have a dispassionate third-party weigh in with factual information and some coaching about the pros and cons of what he has been doing and what this can mean for him and his health and well-being, and his broader future should he continue down this path. That may have a sobering effect still, especially in the context of having achieved some forward progress with his life and feeling good about himself and more stable and secure for the first time in a long while. Those gains can represent a touchstone showing the contrast between what can befall him as a consequence of drug use in a new light. So we support the mother and her thoughts about medical consultation here. To be sure, there is a confluence of negative factors, including complications from the medication use and withdrawal, but that is not the major problem here but rather a kind of sensitivity to the effects of cannabis that make him a poor candidate for risk-free indulgence. He will not know when he is reaching dangerous levels through drug use at any given time. That is the insidious aspect of the psychological problems, that they can occur without any warning in advance, that one is entering a dangerous level of exposure. So he will be fooling himself if he thinks he can manage this and stay within safe bounds on his own to have his cake and eat it too. So time will tell if the doctors can sober him up with the orientation and his recent setback being an object lesson he could take to heart and use as an opportunity to adopt a more healthy lifestyle and stick to it.