The father continues: “I’m confused, angry, sympathetic and every emotion has gone through me trying to figure out what’s happening and some clarity might help me to know what her life path might be and whether I should embrace it or fight it.” What can we tell him?

The best advice we can give to you is to not fight anything or embrace anything in particular, other than being understanding and accepting of who she is and how she feels in the moment, if only to be supportive. You need not approve or embrace or reinforce the validity of anything in particular, other than to acknowledge you hear her and understand this is important for her to work on and just give her encouragement that things will work out and she will come to understand herself more and more, and it is just a part of growing up. This is quite true, so it is not misleading or neglecting her in any way, as you cannot be a substitute for her own being and makeup, which will need to be expressed, and she will have to reckon with and come to an understanding about. So, in effect, you are an observer and cannot be much of an influence because an attempt to do so will rightly be seen as a judgment of her and a criticism of who she is and how she is doing, and that will interfere with not only your relationship with your daughter but her growth and maturation that is underway. The burden is truly hers and needs to be borne by her. You cannot take this on in her stead, just as you cannot mandate and expect a particular outcome to your liking—that will backfire. So what is called for is patience and loving kindness, to be there to support her and listen to her if she reaches out to you, and give her your support and encouragement that she will sort things out and that things will work out in the end.