What you are comparing and contrasting between the character of Data, a benign, helpful, and supportive robotic being, and the Arcturian Greys, reflects more their Creator and the values held than whether a robotic device can be made to mimic the most desirable of human qualities. It would only be natural in a future setting of human beings, at least if they have retained humanitarian goals and are in reasonable divine alignment, that any robotic beings they create to be assistants will have built-in some human traits, if only as programmed responses—to be friendly, to be supportive, to be a good listener, and to react in a friendly and supportive way when interacting with human beings and not project a selfish agenda of its own.
When you look at the Arcturians, they are a race of functional sociopaths devoid of character and the ability to feel or express love in any manner. This is the hallmark of the true sociopath, a being who is entirely self-serving and unable to feel any compassion, mercy, or human sensitivity to the plight of others, but only wanting to take for themselves regardless of the consequences to those around them. From that description, it is easy to understand that if they create a robotic technology of worker bees, those robotic beings will not have built within them any capacity for loving thoughts, any kind of impetus to make a gesture of loving kindness, or in any way do anything that is helpful other than what they are ordered to do. Because in the race of extraterrestrials you speak of there is a strict power hierarchy that controls and runs everything, everyone has their marching orders and must adhere to them and this is no less true of the robotic beings. Being devoid of emotion, it is easier for them to be subservient and not react to the abuse this hierarchy represents and, fortunately, being more machine than biology, they are tireless and only concerned about their inner programming and the goals it has set for them. They have some ability to have self-motivation but, like their creators, it is a selfish one. So interacting with the alien Greys is not a rewarding or pleasant experience for human beings because they are cold and indifferent, as well as being dangerous, because they expect humans to obey them just as they report to their Arcturian overseers, and if humans do not, they have the capacity to inflict pain. This is how their culture operates.
Data is soft and gentle because humans have a soft and gentle side, and would not want to create a robotic being that is arrogant and commanding and demanding of the humans around it to get what it wants—that would be seen and felt quickly by human beings as hostile and abrasive and would not be tolerated. This is why you also see in your artificial intelligence technology, currently available to the consumer, that smart speakers and other electronic devices that can be programmed to listen to the human voice and act on instructions or commands will be uniformly pleasant and neutral, and tireless in carrying out requests but often done with a pleasant female voice and a pleasing tone. This is simply good business, but it does reflect human values as well.
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