He asks: “This tension is creating some tension with my wife and I am unsure of how best to support him while not eroding my marriage. What would be the best ways of helping all concerned?” What can we tell him?

Such individuals usually do not believe in themselves enough to take the risks of failure and end up trying to escape from life. Their greatest fear is having to face this. This is why you need to go slow and make the goal to find a way to get past the doubt and fear about how to engage more directly with his responsibilities, to make something of himself, and show him you will support him lovingly and work with him to help him find his way. If he knows he is not alone, he might be able to use you as a crutch at first, but in doing so may get somewhere.