A client wrote to tell me she decided to give up fighting her ex-husband, as she hasn’t gotten anywhere and the roadblocks are still happening. The final straw was learning she couldn’t afford the individual she had planned to engage for carrying out the court-ordered parental evaluation. Is this a mistake, or will it perhaps be the lesser of evils if she can move on and not be consumed by the relentless struggle created by the custody battle?

Everything she asked about, and you were doing to support her requests, was predicated on a strong intention to engage with him and fight to the finish, no matter what it might take. The strength of her determination was formidable and was admirable as well considering the risks to her and her children in all that is happening, and what will potentially happen in the future. When you approached us from this perspective, the only thing we could do was to help you support that effort to fight back in a way that was highest and best, given the circumstances she faces here. There is divine truth that can be parsed in the doing of things in any human interaction, even though it might be complex and multilayered. She clearly has the higher moral ground, but all have a karmic history here and a karmic stake in all that happens. All have contributed through their presence and participation in prior go-rounds ending in tragedy, and so all bring to the party, liability for this to happen yet again. That said, there is wisdom in not banging one’s head against the wall just because one is in the right and that’s all that is left under the person’s control. That will accomplish nothing except as an outlet for frustration, but may end up causing harm in the bargain. We cautioned you about the great difficulty winning under the present conditions with so many forces allied against her and so many corrupted already who were part of the undertaking. This was not exaggerated in the least. If anything, it was downplayed to not unilaterally discourage her and create a state of further helplessness. It is yet another thing to choose standing down and disengage, when it is not only the likelihood she may not prevail to win the day, but end up with a greater liability in the end from a backlash, given the likelihood he would be inflamed to even greater intensity and passionate intentions to win at all costs and become increasingly aggressive and even reckless in the doing. We cautioned you as well that there was a good chance of violence dealing with this individual. That is the closest we could come to warning her about the risks she was taking. We understood that you wished to spare her from greater fear and we fully understand your good intentions here. In most cases that is unwise and could well undermine things, causing you to incur a karmic penalty as well from having inserted your energy into the battle, so to speak, by expressing your opinion. We, as well, could only leave the hint and not counsel you to tell her that, because that would be leading—the very karmic misstep you were wanting to avoid yourself. You were dutifully helping her as best you could to reach her goals and they were truly highest and best for the children were they achievable. But that is debatable in the current climate and it is possible that a victory could lead to mayhem in ways that could not be undone even through legal recourse. These two are not finished, nor the interactions with the children. The saga will continue but if it moves to a period of lesser conflict and tension, and when so much is at stake, there will be much less chance of grievous excess done in attack mode, causing a rash act that is undoable. There will be no end to disagreements, but it is also possible that he will lose interest in the children when they are no longer pawns in a game of power and control, and this will enable her to interact with him on their behalf more meaningfully and effectively, as well, to take them off his hands at times when he might be near a breaking point and simply wanting to get out from under the responsibility for a time. These would be a godsend to allow him to decompress and for the children to have a refuge that is loving for the additional period. This will help things proceed as best they can. The goal now is to get the children raised with as little harm as possible under the circumstances. It will be a challenge, but this will all contribute to karmic repair and will help all involved to reduce the need to repeat this sad continuing chapter in the family saga.