A client asks: “Why is my ex-husband not changing a bit for his own kids? It’s been a long time and they haven’t seen him, plus he’s not even contacting them?” What can we tell her?

Unfortunately, this is an indication of who he truly is in terms of his limitations. You saw that in your relationship with him, that he could be coldhearted and vindictive. Those are signs of having a deficient love energy to work with. This is simply what happens to many who develop a basic personality of limitation because they are so cut off from their higher self and are unable to feel love and compassion. That is why they can be so harsh and are quick to seek revenge if they believe they have been slighted in any way. People who are suffused with love simply will not think such thoughts. So even when it is a question of being with his own children, which normally would bring him joy and draw the love within him to the surface, he is not touched by this, being so closed off. It is simply a state of being. We cannot force this on him even though it would serve him greatly to open up to the flow of love to a greater degree. He must choose those thoughts and that desire from within himself for it to happen beyond a certain basal level. So we are poised to do much more for him and give him a greater infusion of love energy, but he is resisting it, being the way he is, and the thoughts he has that you simply are not compatible. Right now we are doing long-term repair work that may bear fruit over time to soften things up, so it is too soon to assume the worst, that the situation is unworkable and cannot change, but we cannot make promises either. There are times when people fight for custody or fight for visitation simply to exert control over their spouse, but then find it is unrewarding because they do not have a strong desire and inner love feelings to manage the challenges it brings. There must be a strong motivation to be a parent because children need love and lots of it. If a person is incapable of loving or has an inadequate supply of love to give, the relationship will suffer, the children will feel deprived, and the situation will be unrewarding to the would-be parent as well, because they will grow to see it more as an obligation and a burden than a rewarding part of their life. So these are just the parameters. Time will tell whether he can continue to grow into the role of parent further. In the same way we cannot open his heart, you cannot do so either. And if, at some point, you perceive this is more a destructive influence than a benefit it would be unwise to keep pressuring him to use his visitation opportunities if there is harm to the children as a consequence. We do not want to make any pronouncements here. This is for you to assess in being close to your children and sensing their feelings. As always, the legal system provides the ground rules and often people must live with the limitations it ends up causing.